Difficulty Ejaculating – Solutions

You Can’t Ejaculate?

Read On To Discover The Causes Of Delayed Ejaculation

man with delayed ejaculation
Man, oh man, why are you putting up with this problem!

I’ve been running a website on delayed ejaculation for over 10 years.

In that time I’ve helped hundreds, if not thousands, of men to overcome difficulty ejaculating and solve their problems finishing in bed, helping them discover how to climax easily during intercourse, and to get over their ejaculatory delay, so they can enjoy normal sexual intercourse and rewarding physical relationships.

I first worked with a man who can’t cum (can’t come or achieve orgasm) about 14 years ago. I know a lot about this, including why men are unable to ejaculate and why men have problems ejaculating.

So you’re asking, “Why can’t I ejaculate?”, rest assured that although there are about 9 causes of delayed ejaculation, but they can all be sorted out.

While everyone knows about premature ejaculation, not so many people know that men can have trouble ejaculating during loveplay or sex – a surprising fact, because ejaculatory dysfunction affects about one man in twelve. Yes, that many.

So you’re not alone. Not by a long way. And it doesn’t matter if the reason you’re having problems ejaculating now is the hard masturbation you used as a teenager, or not being sufficiently aroused when you have sex, or some kind of relationship difficulties with your partner, or the simple fact that you prefer sex with yourself to any other kind of sex.

I can assure you that any trouble ejaculating can be fixed using my self-help treatment program. I reckon, from the feedback I get, that my program has a 96% success rate. And I’m sure you’re wondering how this works.

Well, you can click here now to go to the treatment program, or you can read on for more information. There’s a link at the top of the right hand column of every page of this site which will take you straight to the treatment program when you want to go there.

Just think, you could be enjoying normal sex within weeks! And that has to be something worth aiming for.

Best wishes, Rod Phillips

You Can’t Ejaculate With Your Wife Or Partner?

Delayed Ejaculation And Traumatic Masturbation

A man emailed me before he bought my self-help treatment plan to say:

“I just cannot come during intercourse. I agree with your principles – and I believe you are correct in that I have contributed to the problem by masturbating in a certain way for over 40 years in one specific way. I cannot come with my girlfriend because their is insufficient stimulation generated on my penis during intercourse. What ‘delayed ejaculation’ means for me is that I cannot achieve orgasm and ejaculate either during intercourse or when she masturbates me. I can only cum by masturbating, when I’m on my own, with a hard grip and a fast pace.

“I want to learn how to use a light touch like the stimulation my penis gets from my partner’s vagina during intercourse. Do you have any suggestions about how best to do this?

“Another thing I want to know about is ‘getting out of your head.’ You say I need to pay more attention to my partner than to my fantasy? Not sure how this is possible. If considering the opposite issue – premature ejaculation – the brain can certainly create an orgasm. In my case I think this is part of the issue. I believe I am not nearly ‘turned-on’ enough – keeping in mind that sensitivity during intercourse is reduced for me. I feel sexually aroused but I can’t cum. I guess I’m just not aroused enough.

“I need to get my brain into it. Get more excited. I need to be able to get more sexually aroused so I can reach orgasm. I just do not know how to do that. Can you help? I will answer any questions you may have. Really, a sincere thank you for your help. This is going to destroy yet another relationship – and I have had few in my 49 years because of my not having an orgasm when my partners and I have made love.”

What to say when a man can’t climax

“Thanks for your email. Sorry to hear you can’t find a way though these difficulties ejaculating. To start with, you have to remember there’s two kinds of sexual arousal… one produced by fantasy alone, and one produced by physical touch. You really need to have both to excite you sexually, and if you’re relying on mental fantasy alone to get turned on (“aroused”) it most likely won’t work. You’ll know that when you don’t get to the finishing line during intercourse, or your girlfriend asks you what’s taking so long!

Yes, the harsh masturbatory methods you picked up as a teenager are playing a part (you need a lot of pressure on your penis to get to the point of ejaculation), and it’s true you can’t get the same sort of pressure from the average vagina, but as you say you also need to be more aroused.

If you had to take a guess about what it is that is keeping you from getting aroused, what would you say it is? Another question – do you love and/or trust and/or respect your partner?”

His answer:

expect delays
With the many causes of delayed ejaculation, yes, you can indeed expect to arrive late at the finishing line!

“I would like to update you a little more as there have been some changes over that past few weeks. I am not having any relationship issues here. I am not having anxiety issues, depression, etc. My partner has been a part of solving my problem from the beginning and completely supportive – upfront I gave her a copy of your self-help treatment.

“Couple of things about my problem: I don’t think I’m addicted to internet porn but I certainly have masturbated to many physical images. Looking at pictures – or even live women – has excited me, but I do not have extreme fantasies. I fantasize about what she and I do but I’m still unable to ejaculate.

man and woman making love
One good thing about delays in coming –  the woman may have an orgasm.

“She can manually take me so close to orgasm it is unbelievable. I can get to a point very near, but my ejaculation just will not release. At that point I want to come so bad that I bring myself to orgasm with my right hand. And I can always finish it myself within 5 minutes. This is after we have worked on it together for the previous hour.

“I know this is a result of so many years of inducing ejaculation myself – in one particular way – hard and fast –  with my right hand. But again – she can take me so close to orgasm. I just find it so impossible to believe that when getting this excited and this stimulated, I still cannot make it to my climax. I just cannot understand why it does not work.

“We have been working on the following over the last several weeks – focusing on just getting it to work ‘manually.’

1) No masturbation by me – i.e. she is the only one who is touching my penis.

2) Allowing some time between to build sexual desire and sexual arousal.

3) A lot of foreplay – both for her and me. In other words taking much time and creating a good romantic experience.

But I am still experiencing this curse of anejaculation – no orgasm. I am really convinced that my brain is blocking ejaculation. It must be thinking ‘no – this is not how we do this’ and that there is a distinct relationship between ejaculation and my right hand!

“I’m unable to decide where to go next. I assume I have to eliminate all the possible deep-rooted issues?

“I know every case is different. I am really hoping that this particular case will help you in your work with this subject. Hopefully it’ll be helpful for you to communicate with me too. “

Another email from him after a few days:

“Thought I would give you an update. I have still have not been successful. BUT I am at a point now where I can get unbelievably close during intercourse. That is new. Purpose of this e-mail is to tell you I have not given up. I am using your treatment and I find your approach to be the most logical.

I have just got to get my subconscious brain to ‘re-train’ and ‘re-learn’ how to orgasm. Going back to Step 1 is the most logical approach.

I must say your concept is good, and I know you have to instruct generically not knowing who your client is, but bottom line is that your logic here is right on the money: I have developed a subconscious mental belief that sex and orgasm can only be done one way, my old way: with my right hand, fast strokes, and elaborate fantasy. I’ve desensitized myself to stimulation!

image suggestive of man masturbating
Learning to masturbate in one particular way can inhibit orgasm later in life

I do not want to give up and reach orgasm the ‘old’ way – although sometimes I do just to relieve the pain and pressure of ‘blue balls’. This has been my greatest problem in trying to get through these exercises and make myself able to ejaculate.

I am assuming that if I just keep trying to cum, at some point it will work. On average, how long should I keep working this exercise before giving up and trying something else? How long should I try during each ‘session’ before quitting for the day and deciding I really am unable to ejaculate?

Are there any other ‘tricks’ I should add during these sessions? I was calling it ‘control’ before – and even though I believe this is still part of it, the underlying issue behind my failure to reach orgasm is simply 40 years of doing it only one way, hard and fast.

I know exactly what I need to do here: retrain my brain. That is so easy to say and recommend – but how exactly to do that is the hard part. I am assuming your recommendation is repetition – following Step 1. Do you have anything else to add?

Last: I know everyone is different. I am finding sexual intercourse useful as part of this program to overcome my problems with my ejaculatory reflex. I want to have sex with my girlfriend where I can ejaculate normally. I do not think this woudl work so well if we had not already been successful with the first general part of your program – i.e. looking at our relationship, learning to relax during lovemaking, etc. This we have been very successful at completing.

The bottom line here is this: I am attempting to retrain my brain by experiencing and enjoying intercourse – and developing fantasy only as it relates to me and her.

I am also adding doing further work on sensitizing myself to touch and changing fantasy and thought patterns. It would be my ‘dream’ to someday be able to help you fill in some new details and further approaches to help men who are can’t get over this problem.”

Well, he was right – the only way to discover how to ejaculate during lovemaking is to try a treatment program designed for men to use at home during lovemaking with their partner.